dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
