he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
