well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
