she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
