So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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