They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
