I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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