Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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