Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
