White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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