i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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