It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
