Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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