The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
