Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
