Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
