I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
