He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
