i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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