Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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