dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
