every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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