my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
