You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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