I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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