it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
