after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
