just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
