I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize