Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
