ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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