I want to have your abortion
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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