Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
