Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
