chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
