Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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