Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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