so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dicks are not precious.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
