Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
