you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
