you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
And then he peed in my hair
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