Don't EVER smell your tampon
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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