why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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