my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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