yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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