She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
