dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
