I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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