I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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