Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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