This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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