So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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