I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
