What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
