Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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