so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
