so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
