if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
