and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
