She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
