Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's never too late to be topless.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
