I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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