my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
