That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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