if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
