highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Holy sore nipples Batman
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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