My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
