I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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