Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
