Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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