I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
