Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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