im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
