i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
