hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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