i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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